my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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