discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
