She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
