garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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