Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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