I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
