nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
