maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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