Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
