I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
