Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize