I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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