a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
