a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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