Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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