My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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