They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Houston, we have a blender
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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