There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
