I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
