In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
