Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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