Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
