It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
