He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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