quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize