From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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