Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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