I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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