I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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