so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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