worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
