does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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