What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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