You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
