matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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