Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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