I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
