Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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