So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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