My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
