Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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