Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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