dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
