Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
