What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i think i just lost a toe
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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