Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The beer is more important than you right now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
