Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
