It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
