Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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