She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
