school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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