just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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