New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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