Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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