I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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