He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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