if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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