Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
pop tarts are not kleenex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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