She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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