pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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