Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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