If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize