He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
