shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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