3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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