So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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