i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
