is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is not my ceiling
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am available for nakedness
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
