News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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