The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
