well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
