so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My dick has a subreddit
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
