Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
