Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
